Fond memories of my “Precious Mother” lost to cancer in 2006
Written by: Ita Surojoyo
After the loss of my mother in 2006, to lung cancer, my trip home to visit my father, was always filled with excitement. The face of my smiling father, my beating heart, always crammed with sensational excitement, yet at the same time, this feeling, somewhat saddened, by the loss of my precious mother, who’s presence always bought light and life to the family.
On my return home, along this dusty country road, beautiful memories of times past, I remember the little girl, who used to jump on her fathers bicycle, small brown school bag over her shoulder, smiling, contented and happy, wonderful memories of these happy family times, now sadly gone.
The feelings of loss for my mother at times overwhelms me with sadness. I clearly remember, the very the first visit back home, after my mother passed away.
During my college break, a couple of weeks after we buried my mother, on that sunny but sad Friday morning in June 2006. I remember the happy smile on my fathers face when I arrived home, trying to hide the pain of his loneliness.
Dad at the front door, we kiss on both cheeks, embrace each other, before I step inside my home, my childhood village home.
It is such a contrast to the happy times we shared as a complete family. Me, the eldest daughter, now grown up, my big black travel bag, a lady who loves to wear sunglasses, all grown up. We enter my home, and I am immediately confronted by the empty kitchen, I realize it is cold. I walk towards the dining room table, as I had always done, I opened the food cover. It was empty.
I stood there, overcome with sadness, my tears, freely trickling down my rosy cheeks, I glanced at Dad, glassy eyes of pain, he spoke first.”It has been a busy day, I never had time for cooking”. He quickly changed the subject, “lets go out and get ourselves something tasty”.
By the time Dad finished these words, I was filled with the knowing, the sad empty loss, of what it meant, to have lost my mother. I had tried to hide the pain, now it came back to me. Mum was such a good mother, she was a devoted Mother and wife. She loved cooking, she was a housewife, a perfect working mother, an outstanding mother, to all her children. I was accustomed to having everything served to me. Now, it was my turn, to serve dad. It took courage to look at dad, a man never scared to show his tender side, I am now aware of his pain, how difficult his life has become. He is a brave man, the only time I saw him crying, was when mum was diagnosed with serious lung cancer.
It was in 2006. Her middle-aged bearded doctor, diagnosed her condition. Her condition was plagued by nausea, all day, which caused me such distress, she needed the bathroom 5 to 6 times a day. At this stage of diagnosis, she was already unable to swallow her medicine, she has pain in her stomach, fluid in her lungs, she was breathless.
There was never any suggestion for her to have an operation, never directly suggested to us. They drained the fluid from her lungs, relief for her, at least for a few days, mum felt better, she looked fresher, healthier, but this only lasted for a few days, before all the issues returned, like a tight rope around her neck, it returned, all the terrible symptoms
I believe they imagined, because we were poor, we were not capable of paying the hospital bills, and I believe the food given to her in hospital was harmful to her condition. Her lung condition, where fluid collects, reducing lung space, lungs cannot expand, suffocating her, reducing her breath, was called “pleural effusion”. All foreign terms to my ears. Oh my Goodness, the medical terms are new to my ears.
Knowing I was losing my mother to this dreadful disease, and the sadness and frustration of not having anyone to talk to, to listen to me, to help me through this sadness, was at times overwhelming for me. Frustratingly, I did not know what to do, who to go to for information to help me through this. My father, unable to come to terms with my mothers illness, did not understand cancer, retreated, I was left to look after mum. He trusted me to handle everything, right until the end.
Here, In my beloved country, Indonesia, if one looked poor, your presence is not acknowledged, but if you looked neat and tidy, clean, people presume you are rich, and charge you high prices for care. This is so unfair.Wrong, but this is the way it is here. I still believe, the doctor knew, my mothers cancer was to far gone, to render an operation, she was simply to ill, the cancer had already eaten up her lungs.
I tried my best, to educate myself on my mothers illness. I read every book on her condition. Without any support from my country, or for my families welfare through this distressing time, I put my studies on hold, my father took on extra work to help with the finances, while we continued to struggle, having to sell everything to keep up with the bills. There was no support to help us. My country, with so much wealth, yet corrupt by the very people who governed and ruled.
Their only concern, to squeeze the last penny out of everyone. No compassion, hearts of stone. Corruption was at that time, making big headlines, I was desperate for help, here I was, nursing my beloved mother, knowing I was losing her. No support.
Time with my mother, became a most precious time, I spent all my time with her, nursing her, loving her, until the day came, when I knew it would be her last, and I said goodbye. I have written about my personal loss, to not only educate myself on her illness, but to try and inform others of the symptoms, what to look out for.
Please take the time, to read the symptoms, if this can help in early detection, maybe save a life.
A bad cough. Not getting better.Along term cough.
Shortness of breath
Coughing up phlegm (sputum) with signs of blood in it.
An ache or pain when breathing or coughing.
Loss of appetite.
Tiredness (fatigue)
Loss of weight.
Some things that may increase lung cancer risk. Smoking increases risk, as well as the following.
Exposure to radon gas
Exposure to certain chemicals
Air pollution
Previous lung disease
A family history of lung cancer
Past cancer treatment
Previous smoking related cancers
Lowered immunity
http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/cancer-help/type/lung-cancer/about/…
Not all studies have measured the impact of smoking, but it does seem, the benefit of physical activity is greater for smokers.
Adenocarcinoma
I had never heard of this, until it was to late. It develops from the cells that line the airways. It develops from a particular type of cell that produces mucus (phlegm). Found in the outer areas of the lungs, a killer microscopic cancer, common in non smokers. She fought her cancer with as much positive energy she could, believing she would recover. Towards the end, she was so miserable, she simply gave up.
My mother, kind, dedicated to being a wife and mother, to two sons and two daughters, worked so hard with my father, to ensure the family never went without anything. My father was not rich, proud, humble, never believed he needed others help in supporting his family, although my grandfather offered his help on occasion.
Now, seven years later, my father still misses her, has not replaced her, he lives alone in our humble home, in the village where I was born. He still loves her. I thank my dad, my lovely mother, for everything they have done for me. My dad is my hero, a lovely man, who continues to inspire me. A lot.
Tonight, I lay down in my bed, in my family home. I close my eyes, listen to my favorite song, sung by Ronan Keeting.
“If tomorrow never comes, does she know how much I love her”
Copyright: Ita Surojoyo “Memories I cherish, of my late Mum. Love you Mum and Dad
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